Keep Trying, Mom!

The Power of Persistence

I pride myself on trying to instil a healthy ability to problem-solve and persevere in my kids.  My husband and I do our best to coach from the sidelines and not immediately take over tasks that our kids are finding to be difficult.  This does not mean that we won’t demonstrate or assist, but that we want our kids to not be afraid to try things and maybe fail on their first attempt(s). This is something I focused on in my teaching career, and knew I wanted/needed to do as a parent to help our kids grow up to be self-sufficient and unafraid of challenges.

As a parent, this is hard to do. HARD. TO. DO.  I am constantly fighting my own personality as it relates to this issue.  In my rush to get things done with three kids under the age of three, expediency is paramount.  Have you ever watched and waited for a toddler to put on her own socks?  Fold a blanket? Brush their teeth? I often find myself biting my tongue and holding back my own twitching fingers as I want to reach out, snatch the item away, and get on to the next task.  It can be excruciating to watch the fumbling as the seconds tick by.  E.x.c.r.u.c.i.a.t.i.n.g.

Have you witnessed a toddler whine when she or he does not meet success the first few times they try something?  The desire to pass off a task to someone more able is strong.  It is innate.  The ability to manipulate this person into doing the task by whining, shouting, crying, flailing, throwing oneself one the floor (if one is a toddler) is masterful.  It is easier to take over the task, if only to secure peace and quiet.  However, this is rarely the right choice for the parent, no matter how expedient.  What does the child learn about perseverance?  About critical thinking?  About resiliency?

Have I failed at giving these lessons? Have I snatched an item out of the hands of my child to just “get it done” or stop the whining?  Of course I have! Daily. Sometimes hourly.  Have I even (gasp!!) grabbed something out of my kids’ hands when they were intent on doing it themselves, only to incite a chorus of “Me do it! Me do it!”? Yes.  Sadly, I have.  Sometimes because we were in a big rush, but other times because my patience wore thin.  Insert red-faced emoji here.

Regardless of my failings, I do try (in my better moments) to get my kids to do things on their own and not be afraid to fail.  I try to demonstrate this myself when trying new things, as well as encouraging them in their daily actions.

One of the intentional ways we have focused on this is to watch the show and download the music from Daniel Tiger’s Neighbourhood.  What excellent messages for toddlers!  The music is from the episodes and is short, repetitive, and catchy. The song that best links to this concept is Keep Trying, You’ll Get Better:

Keep Trying, You’ll Get Better

“Keep trying until it works for you
You get better, yes it’s true
Then what do you know, you’re doing fine
Because practice makes you better all the time

Chorus:
Try try try try try it again
Try try try try try it again
Keep trying, you’ll get better
Try try try

When you’re playing with friends and there’s something new
Just keep on trying is what you should do
Because you’ll get better when you try
Practice makes you better all the time

Chorus

When you can’t do something new
Keep trying and trying until it works for you
Before you know it I think you’ll find
Practice makes you better all the time

Chorus

When you’re trying to do a brand new thing
Don’t give up if it’s not working
It’ll get easier every time you try
Practice makes you better all the time

Chorus“

I play the soundtrack a lot, and also sing the chorus when I see my kids getting frustrated by a task.  I wasn’t sure if this was getting through until last Sunday morning.  I was getting breakfast ready for the family and had started cutting pineapple. Of course, my almost 3-yo was on her stool beside me at the counter and was helping/watching my every move. I had cut off the outer layer and grabbed the pineapple corer to complete the cutting.  I pushed down on the corer and met with resistance.  I put my head up and looked over at my husband, who was a few feet away.  I opened my mouth to say “Can you come and help with this?” when a little voice beside me started singing, “Try try try try…  you can do it, mom!”  I was gobsmacked.  Truly speechless.  My husband’s head whipped up.  We made eye contact.  My face turned scarlet.  We shared a look of triumph and realization that our lessons were taking root.  There was also a sardonic glint in my husband’s eye that said “you’ve been told!”.

Schooled.  By my toddler daughter.  Tables turned on this teacher.  So proud of her for making connections about the importance of trying.  So proud of her ability to apply the concept of perseverance before immediately asking for help.  Mortified that she used the lesson on me and was right.  Ahhh… ego. You have no place in parenting!

How is this lesson going for you as you parent?  Do you have a success (or failure) story to share?

~By Erin